One thing I often observe in my clients, my friends, and in myself is a lack of self-love. This lack of self-love takes many forms:
- We don’t ask for what we need.
- We don’t set effective boundaries.
- We don’t feel we look the right way, so we don’t want to interact with partners (potential or actual) or even connect with our friends.
- We focus on our flaws and what we need to improve rather than appreciating our talents and recognizing our gifts.
- We don’t make much time for ourselves.
- We’re often waiting for [insert future thing here].
- We want more confidence before we fully live.
That sure does sound like we’re pretty hard on ourselves! We must stop beating ourselves up. No, we’re not perfect, and we never will be. Yet we need to bring some balance to how we perceive ourselves: we have positive qualities, we have negative qualities. And if we love who we are, we love them both. We also love who we were, and we love who we have the potential to become. Without judgment. When you’re in a relationship, you have to accept the not-so-great stuff about your partner too. It comes with the package. So do you!
Without self-love, it’s much harder to show love to someone else. And we ALWAYS have someone to love, starting with ourselves.
Make the time around this Valentine’s Day to sow the seeds of self-love.
Start small, start with you. How? Start with self-care. Learn to make the time, spend the money, do what you need to do because you deserve to care for yourself! At first you may have to fake it. You may have to go through the motions. You may feel some stuff come up. But what–besides your self-esteem, your confidence, and your ability to love yourself and others more fully–do you have to lose?
Self-care: a small, spontaneous moment of self-attention that arises from mindfulness and creates a positive feeling within oneself.
If you haven’t already felt it, I get it, and I’m here to help. If:
- you’re the sort of person who knows you don’t truly love yourself (yet),
- you’re ready to begin caring for yourself in small ways,
- you feel you could benefit from learning new ways of caring for yourself this month,
- you want ideas, support and encouragement from others:
Please sign up for the 7-day Self-care Challenge. It’s free for your participation between Feb 12-18, 2018.